How do you cope when he disappears from your life? One day he was here and then the next day, he was gone.
No phone calls. No texts. No explanation.
To help you deal, let me tell you a personal story.
One month ago, I thought I was in a relationship with a man I would someday call my husband. Today, however, I am single. I am single because the same man I loved decided to end our “happy” relationship.
Did he send a Dear John letter (or text)? No, he just disappeared! He stopped returning my calls. After days of not hearing from him, it became clear to me that he was out of my life for good.
Why did he just get up and disappear from my life, without so much as an explanation? After all of our conversations through our time together, when did he feel it was easier to walk away?
Angry now, I began to wonder why he would do such a thing to a person he claimed to love? What did he think I was going to do, break down, cry, and beg him to stay?
I spoke with him recently and he gave me some lame-ass explanation as to why he left me. Did I need it now? No, because after just a week of no contact from him, I realized it was over.
I’m not an idiot.
If he could go that long without hearing the sound of my voice, then he was telling me he no longer wanted to be with me. I just wished he was mature enough to tell me he was leaving so I wouldn’t have remained in limbo or felt stupid when I couldn’t respond to innocent inquiries from family and friends.
But like all strong women, I moved on. That’s really the only thing one can do in a situation like this. Just because he was afraid to face me, I was not afraid of living my life.
No matter how hard it may be when the man of your life disappears from it, you must push on.
To help you to move on, I compiled a list of coping tips that helped me get through this tough time in my life.
Below are 7 ways to cope when he disappears from your life.
1. Realize the demise of your relationship did not happen overnight.
When a man decides to end a relationship, most of the time he has been contemplating it for a while. He no longer wants to continue a relationship with you and has been looking for a graceful exit.
Just think about it. He may have tried to pick petty arguments with you or he may have gone longer than usual calling you back or conversations became shorter.
When my ex stopped calling throughout the day or quickly got off the phone with me, I should have seen the writing on the wall then. I chose to be quiet as to not rock the boat.
Obviously, he didn’t, so just be prepared to recognize the signs of impending flight, so you can have the door open for them.
2. Understand you may never get the closure you want – so don’t use it as an excuse not to move on.
I went for one whole month “needing” closure, but once I got it, I felt worse than before I knew. When my ex told me he had to get his life together and that he was sorry for leaving me: it became all too real at that point I had been DUMPED. I cried for two days afterward.
I think I would have been better off if I had never spoken to him again because those same feelings of abandonment came back full force.
You don’t need closure, my friend. No matter what, you have to move on. Besides, who says the story he gives is actually the truth? He may tell you he had to get his life together, but he may fail to tell you he was doing it with another woman.
Even if he tells you the truth, no matter the story, it’s going to hurt like hell. Just be happy he disappeared from your life sooner rather than later.
3. Believe in your heart that if he wanted to be with you, he would.
No matter what, if a person wants you in their life, they will do whatever they need to do to keep you there. It doesn’t matter what someone is going through, they can make room for you.
You deserve someone who wants you. This is not a fairy tale or some soap opera. No one has that much going on in their life.
My ex told me had to get his finances in order, but how many of us are ever really satisfied with where we’re at financially?
Besides, he’s been broke since I’ve known him, how much getting his life together did he need? All I could hear was that he couldn’t get his finances in order with me.
4. Look at this as a blessing in disguise.
You may think that he was the man of your dreams, but it’s evident you were not the woman of his. That’s fine because there’s nothing wrong with you. A relationship takes two to make it.
Stop thinking about the time you gained a few pounds or how you refused to try that position he tried to pressure you into. You can’t be everything to everyone. This is real life.
You deserve someone who wants to be with you, enjoys your company and fights for the chance to be in your life. If they don’t, they’re not worth having and you deserve much better.
Disappearing from your life only makes room for that man who is actually dying to be there. This man will love you and care for you. If you were still with your ex, how would you ever meet this man?
5. Stop all contact with him.
Don’t make the mistake as I did by taking his calls and responding to his texts. All that will be accomplished is that old wounds will open wide enough for the salt to be poured on them.
Block his phone number if you have to, just don’t talk to him, especially if you’re still hurt.
6. Cry.
Yes, cry if you need to. If it hurts, go ahead and cry your little heart out. I tried to be tough, but just the slightest thing made me cry. Just sitting alone by myself had painful memories dancing in my head.
I spent time crying in the shower and a couple of nights I cried myself to sleep.
Good thing I snapped out of it. You have to mourn the loss of your relationship because you’re only human.
It’s a process. You didn’t fall in love with him overnight, so don’t expect to fall out of it any faster. Just don’t mourn too long, however. If you’re still crying weeks or months later, you may need to seek the help of a therapist.
Once I cried all I could cry, I stopped being sad and became angry. Then I realized that I couldn’t let him have all this power over me and I got myself together. Once I was honest with myself, this relationship needed to be put to sleep a long time ago.
7. Live your best life.
It’s up to you if you want to throw yourself back into the dating scene right now or not, but whatever you do, get busy doing it. Start working on yourself.
Start hanging out with friends again, get back to exercising, get a new wardrobe. I went and got a new hairstyle and I started exercising again.
I realized that I went out more when I was single than when I was in a “relationship”. You may not be in a relationship right now, but you want to be the best woman you can be for the next man.
OMG thank you so much for this article! I was seeing a guy for a few months – he told me he loved me, wanted to marry me bla bla bla. The texts got less, the calls got less. This went on for a few days and my gut knew what was happening. It didn’t make it any less painful but I knew. One morning he text me and I didn’t respond and I haven’t heard from him in two weeks. I was so hurt but I didn’t reach out to him at all and I’m so glad now I didn’t. When I googled this topic there were a lot of articles saying “oh men need space after intimacy” ” when he comes back to you, welcome him with open arms”. I said to myself “hell no”. I’m a beautiful, strong woman who won’t take that BS from anyone! If you’re a grown man and you can’t pick up the phone or even send a text to end things, well you’re not good enough for me. I deserve respect and that’s so not respectful. For all you “ghosts” out there, grow a pair!!
Good for you! Moving on and knowing you’re worth it is the best things you can do to heal.
I was seeing a guy for 2 years he went to visit his son and came back depressed and broken. He will not call nor text as much as he use to before he left. Now it’s been 4 months no calls at all. Smh
He’s not depressed, he’s back with the mother – or at the very least feeling some type of way that he’s no longer with her. Men use that depression cop-out a lot to back out of relationships and into new ones. Four months without any calls is not a relationship. He’s already moved on, so should you.
Will this help me? I’m a 16 year old guy and my best friend stopped emailing. And before you ask no there was nothing intimate going on she and I were just best friends we confided in each other, told each other things that we told no one else. One day she stopped emailing, for all I know she could be dead or maybe she’s in a coma or maybe she’s just mad. I really don’t know, but its been a year now and I still worry about her. For me personally my friends are few but the few i have are closer than family. Any comments are welcome as long as you have an open mind and are kind.
I wonder why your friend stopped emailing you. Are you all in the same local area? If so, you could just check on her. There’s also social media and you could contact her friends. If you find out that she’s fine and she just stopped contacting you, step back. She may have had feelings for you or vice versa and she may not have known how to deal with them. Also, she could have a boyfriend and didn’t want to hurt your feelings and didn’t know how to break it off. If you do get the chance to speak to her, make sure to express that you miss her friendship. Good luck.
wow i literally just got ghosted and it hurts…i didn’t do anything wrong…i honestly thought he was the actual “one”….i dropped people i was talking to that was genuinely interested in me…but my connection with him was so strong and real to me that i told the other two people that i met someone whom i really want to give all my attention to..i didn’t ghost them i was honest with them…..i did the right thing…and i told him about it…he said he appreciated it and that he respected me and that he had no intentions in hurting me….i believed every word he said…….i am just heart broken…i can not believe he would just disappear and ghost me…no explanation…nothing..he took me off all social media like i never existed and blocked me from everything…..it’s a hurtful thing to do to someone…i hope he does not make this a habit with others it’s so hurtful. i know that it is not me…i know my worth…i won’t let his actions break me but it did hurt. and i will give myself time to heal. at the end of the day he did not choose me so i was not the one for him…and it is something that is hard to grasp but it’s reality and sometimes people just do what they do…and nothing you can do it from it…just keep loving and keep being you…you are all beautiful and worth that love we all crave and deserve.
I will try and use some of these, I just can’t as mine is my husband and we have children together. I feel so overwhelmed with pain I am exhausted. My children are young so there’s lots of contact with him still despite him moving out. I really didn’t see it coming. Some days I can’t function at all – so then there’s added parental guilt and I teach so I never get a second to grieve let alone enjoy myself again. I still love him so much. I honestly don’t know how people handle this without totally imploding. Any extra ideas to cope would be welcomed whatever they are
Pain is normal and you will have to go through the grieving process of your marriage. If your marriage is able to be saved, then you both should try couple’s counseling. If not, you need to go by yourself to start healing. You will also need to get a custody and visitation agreement during your separation. If he can come and see the kids, then he should be able to take them for a few hours, so you can have some alone time. Now is the time to do what you need to do to build a different life for you and the kids. Good luck.
Why do men disappear from your life….there is only three real main reasons, but i’ll post 4 here as 2 are one in the same.
1. He has his woman, another woman. (he just won’t admit it)
2. The sex was not worth the aggravation, time or money being spent. (see number 4 too)
3. He enjoys being alone more then being together living with someone else. (he just won’t admit it)
4. He sensed you weren’t “with him” and pushed him away or denied him intimacy when he needed you the most…it’s a deal breaker for a man seeking a good woman that’s there for him…bed down time is ultra important to a man…deny him and you crush him. Men really do feel like when they spend time, energies and money taking care of your needs and then abandon him (to ignore, denied, or worse laugh off) in his needs (for sex-release)….it’s an instant secured Disappearing Act. If you laugh off a man’s needs for sex labeling it his problem or that he’s abnormal….you can bet that’s the end of everything.
I was with a man who l really cared for 2 months and one night we came back to my condo and l had to much wine and blanked out for the evening…T hat never happen to me before and l don’t remember the evening…The next morning l got up and was in shock of what happen..The man l really liked why
so mad at me and disgusted, l could even say anything to him to apologize and he just Ed stared at me in anger…So when to his cat got in and just said in a angered voice how was my head! Then from that day forward he ghosted me..
I was so heartbroken l tried repeatedly to get in touch, text email, & call no
Response….should l try again he did even discuss anything with me, that’s
What couples do, they have work together nothing goes smoothly
Abby,
I don’t understand what happened. Did you black out because of the wine or do you think something was put in your drink? Since you said that this never happened to you before, you may have to consider that this was a possibility. If so, I am so sorry. Unfortunately, men will ghost you for no particular reason. Either they are no longer interested or they are with someone else. The only thing you can do is just try to move on from the situation. I know it hurts, but this may be a blessing in disguise. Healthy and emotionally mature men will not treat the woman they are in a relationship with like this. He’s not the one and you are probably much better off. Good luck to you and your healing.
Shay
Thank you for input, l did blank out because l had Two glasses to many and not
enough water and bread, before l drank the wine…l really did like this guy, but
I as so embarrassed l didn’t say anything to him the next morning…He just stared at me with a discussed look, if looks could kill l be gone! I rush him
Out of my condo in the morning, because l was spooo devastated by it all and
he said nothing to me, except he ask me how my head was!
I tried to call, text, and -e-mal him to say l was sorry and I never happen before
and could we talk about on a mature level, after all this guy is 76 years old…
He completely ignored all the reaching out that l tried to do…
What do you think of that, thank you so much for your input…
Abby
Please give your input thanks!
Abby,
You need to forgive yourself. You have to move on from the situation and work on healing yourself. Before you worry about a man, you may need to look inward as to why you drank to the point of passing out. Were you nervous? Do you have a drinking problem? Whatever it is, deal with that first.
As for him ghosting you, do not contact him anymore. Unfortunately, he wasn’t being mature by not letting you know why it wasn’t going to work for him. Even though he’s old enough to know better, it seems like you dodged a bullet.
Good luck to you.
Shay
Thank you for your response to my situation, l really do appreciate it..
Excuse some of spelling, l typed up his up with a heavy heart….
I hope to hear from you again!
Blessings,
Abby