Stereotypically women have been accused of being gold diggers, but in reality, men can be just as much so. Gold-digging men go through life preying on women who can financially support them.
These men come in all shapes and sizes and aim for varying economic levels. They’re smooth and calculating and know what to say to get a woman to drop their inhibitions.
We are all aware of the stories of Star Jones and Terry McMillan. Both are highly successive women who met and fell in love with attractive, younger men, who were less financially stable than they were.
Not only did they marry these men, but when the marriages ended in divorce, these men walked out of the relationship with a lot more than what they walked in with. Through these men, we see how deceptive men can be (who believes Terry McMillan’s ex-husband didn’t know he was gay?).
Needless to say, it doesn’t matter if the woman is a CEO with a lush pad in Miami or a single momma with section 8 housing, every woman is at risk of falling in love with one a gold-digging man.
Here are a few ways to not only avoid dating a gold digger but also to prevent yourself from falling in love with one.
Date at or above your pay grade
I’m not being elitist, but if you date men who are at least equal to you in income, you will avoid a lot of lonely nights or empty pockets. I made the mistake of dating a man whose income was very inconsistent.
Well, maybe it was consistent because he was consistently broke.
This meant that unless I wanted to stay home on a Friday night, I would have to dig out my purse to pay for our date. Of course, this didn’t sit well with me and I sat home by myself a lot.
Also, if you begin paying for dates, he’s going to start expecting it all the time. Trust me, it’s cheaper to date yourself.
Never loan money to a man who you are not in a committed long term relationship with
I always have a feeling in my gut if a man is a bum or not. I’ve had a man ask to “hold” $20 after spending one night together.
Of course, I refused.
Not because I’m cheap (I am), but an icky feeling usually comes over me when a man asks me or any woman for that matter for money. My policy is to never loan money to a man, not just because I fear being used, but I also believe men should be the provider in the relationship (even if the woman makes more money).
What happened when I went against my better judgment and loaned $300 to a man I was dating?
You guessed it, he never paid me my money back. I dropped him like a bad habit once he asked me to consign a car for him.
Never divulge information regarding your salary, savings, or investments
First of all, this information should not be divulged to anyone, except for your husband. Also, it’s quite tacky to ask someone what they make unless you’re asking their bank for a loan.
If a man you barely know asks how much you make. Or has totally obvious questions about what people in the same industry as you make, then he’s calculating your assets in his head.
Don’t date a man who is car less, jobless, or homeless
A man who doesn’t have a car is obviously unable to afford one or worse, can’t maintain one. Unless he lives in an urban area such as New York or DC, where it is more convenient to take public transportation, there is no excuse why a grown man doesn’t have a car.
I dated a man who lied that his truck was in the shop. Come to find out his license was suspended for you guessed it, driving without a license.
I quickly got tired of doing all of the driving and picking him up for our dates. He was also “self-employed”, which meant he did work when it came through (which seemed like never). What’s worse, he also lived with his mom.
Not only was he broke all the time, but he kept suggesting we move in together (a clear sign was too comfortable with the idea of living off of me).
This brings me to…
Never allow a man with who you are not in a long-term, monogamous, committed relationship with to move in with you.
If you bring a man to your home for the first time and his eyes gloss over – RUN like hell.
Why?
This man is envisioning moving in with you and is picturing where he will place his easy chair. Protect yourself, because this type of man has “gold digger” written all over his face and his empty wallet.
Don’t ever bail a man out of jail with your own money (refer to #2)
First of all, if you’re in a situation where your man has been locked up, that’s not a good sign. If he needs you to call the bondsman for bail, ask him what’s the pin number to his ATM or the number to his momma’s house.
Don’t ever, ever, EVER “loan” this man money to get out of jail (definitely do not put real estate up as collateral for his release). I discourage bailing a man out of jail because there’s the likely chance who could skip court and you’ll be out of money – or worse your property.
There’s an even more likely chance that he will never pay you back. I’ve seen a lot of court cases where the ex-girlfriend hauled her ex into court for the return of money she loaned him for bail.
I’ve seen enough Judge Judy know that it doesn’t always work out in the woman’s favor.
Don’t blindly believe everything he says
I don’t mean to always assume he’s being dishonest, but if he says he’s an investment banker, ask industry-specific questions.
If he’s telling the truth, he should be able to tell you what a day in his life looks like. If he says he owns multiple properties throughout the country, check tax assessment departments in those areas (these are public record).
Do your homework and trust your gut. A gold digger is a very good liar. This is especially true when he happens to “fall in love” so soon after you all started dating.
Real love doesn’t happen that fast. Trust and believe that it is either infatuation, lust, or a man trying to run game.
Most people can only hide their true selves for at least three months. Be smart and slow things down if they seem to happen too fast.
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