I have women ask me the following question A LOT…
“What does it mean when he doesn’t call?”
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I’m baffled because this is the question often asked by highly educated women who in my opinion, seem to have their sh** together. These are women who often think highly of themselves and take a no-nonsense approach to date.
If vanilla ice cream is your favorite, you’re not going to order chocolate right? If you had a bad experience at a restaurant, you probably won’t go back there.
Am I correct?
Or if you hate action movies, it’s a safe bet that you won’t see Captain America anytime soon.
So why would a man stop calling someone they have been dating.
Related: 8 Things Couples Should Talk About Before Marriage
Yes, you guessed it – he wanted to.
When it comes to why men act and behave the way they do, women’s logic tends to go right out the door. We were given this thing called free will and we tend not to do things we don’t like to do.
Men are simple creatures. Women are the ones who turn what men say and do into a pop quiz.
So when a woman asks me to get my crystal ball out and guess why her boyfriend stopped calling, I tell her the truth…
He’s not interested.
That’s it and yes the truth may sting a bit. But, when he doesn’t call, especially in the dating phase, you can be 100% certain he’s not interested.
So when I tell women this, they can’t seem to understand how a man would just stop calling them. In fact, they look at me like I have two heads. They want to dissect the reasoning for why their phone is not ringing off of the hook.
One of my friends was upset that she hadn’t heard from her boyfriend in over a week. He didn’t return her calls or her text messages and when she finally got a hold of him, he gave her the excuse that he had been very busy.
Really?
First of all, if he’s THAT busy, you definitely need to move on. Hell, all of us are busy. But no one is working 24 hours a day. Are you telling me he couldn’t pick up the phone and chat for 5 minutes?
If they don’t have the time to date you now, they sure as hell won’t have time to work on your relationship later.
Look, if they don’t have the time to date you now, they sure as hell won’t have time to work on your relationship later.
And you deserve better.
Some women are confused because sometimes the guy will stop calling out of the blue abruptly. She thought they were having a great time, but he must not have been that interested.
Or maybe over a few weeks he started to withdraw and distance himself, so instead of talking on the phone every night, you would hear from him every other night, then down to one night a week.
I’ve had friends who out of impatience end up calling the man to see why he hasn’t called. I’ve thought about it a few times myself when I dated this one guy but thank goodness common sense knocked that phone out of my hand every time.
Do you know how crazy it is to do that? If someone else did it, you would call them crazy. So why would you do it?
Think about it.
Even if he answers the phone, he probably won’t give you a real answer as to why he hasn’t called. He will probably give some dumb ass excuse like…
“Oh, I was going to call, but I’ve been busy”.
“I’ve been sick and just started feeling better”.
“I’ve been out of town”.
Ladies, all of these excuses are just lies.
Lies I tell ya!
Maybe he has been busy, but why didn’t he call and text you to say that?
Maybe he was sick. But, all of the men I know act like babies when they’re sick. If their momma isn’t taking care of them, you better bet your bottom dollar someone else is.
So, what do you do when he doesn’t call? Should you give up on him and chuck it up as a loss? Or should you give him the benefit of the doubt?
It depends.
Read: 7 Things to Do When You’ve Been Ghosted
Let’s say he was out of town. Unless he was in some remote area without a cell tower in a 50-mile radius, he could have picked up the phone. He was probably out of town with another woman (ouch I know).
So if a man hasn’t called you, stop waiting around by the phone and move on with your life. He’s not interested in you anymore.
Even if he tells you he cares about you and loves you. If he doesn’t call you, make plans with you, or spend time with you – you’re not a priority.
There are only a few excuses to accept from a man who doesn’t call…
1. He’s in a coma in a hospital somewhere. Just being in the hospital doesn’t cut it, each room has a phone.
2. He’s locked up. Take this time to reflect if you even want to be involved with a criminal.
3. He’s dead. Say your goodbyes at his funeral and move on.
No other excuses matter.
But if you’re like most women who want to know the WHY behind men’s actions, I’m going to tell you.
When he doesn’t call, it simply means…
He’s not interested.
He doesn’t want a big scene or doesn’t feel like your relationship is valid enough to deserve an excuse. Something about you or your relationship turned him off and he doesn’t see a future with you.
If this is the case. Move on. He’s not worth it.
He’s with someone else.
Some men may stop talking to you without telling you it’s over, just in case it doesn’t work out with this woman. He feels by not calling and providing closure, he has left a door open for him to return.
Trust me when I say this…if he’s not calling you, he’s calling someone else. Move on and promise me you won’t let him back in.
You have no place in his life right now.
A man who is truly interested in a woman will make every effort to be in her life. He will call, he will visit, he will do whatever it takes to let you know he wants you. No man who’s really interested in a woman will allow another man time and space to move in.
Remember men like to pursue and if he’s not in full pursuit, he’s not interested.
He has a drug, alcohol, gambling, or criminal problem.
If so, thank the good Lord you were given a way out.
Enough said, move on.
Unsure of his past (or current) issues? Consider doing a background check on him.
You deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you as much as you want to be with them. You’re beautiful, smart, and wonderful all over. If he doesn’t want to hear your voice, see your face or touch you for a long period of time – he’s not the one for you.
Why do you feel he hasn’t called? Sound off in the comments, I would love to hear from you.
Other Posts You May Like:
- 10 Signs He’s Not Husband Material
- 5 Ways to Know If He’s Interested in You
- 7 Ways to Cope When He Disappears from Your Life
- What to Do When He Doesn’t Call
Very nice, thank you for this article, it helped me a lot.
2 times he told me I will call you tonight and he never did.. And he gave me the excuse he fell asleep.. Maybe he felt asleep with another woman!
People make time for what’s important to them. He may have fallen asleep, just don’t accept this excuse a second time.
I am at a disbelief me and this guy have been dating for a month talking texting seeing each other spending time like we stayed up under each other. He treated me like a queen he does work alot and when he is with me he sleeps I let him sleep and doesn’t answer his phone. In my heart of hearts I don’t think it’s another woman I haven’t heard from him since late Friday night we partly celebrated his birthday and was planning on celebrating more this weekend. It’s now going on 3 days no text no call what the hell did I do wrong? I just can’t seem to win at this thing called love
You didn’t do anything wrong. He’s distracted. Either by work, life, or unfortunately another woman. You’ll find out which one soon enough. Good luck. If not him, someone else.
My boyfriend has a daughter in Ohio. He left SC on Thursday morning he called me on the way up there and we talked the whole entire time til he got there(about all type of things) then when he got there he video chat me introducing me to his 3 yr old daughter, the mom was there too but she know who O am because he told her on front of me that was at 7pm that Thursday he didn’t call me until 10:45 pm Thursday night. Friday morning I called 1st because he hasn’t called yet- he didn’t pick up….then calls me an hr later sounding all sleepy and groggy we didn’t discuss much he said he will call me back-but didn’t……so he and the mother & child went to chuck cheese he called but I didn’t want to interrupt his time with his daughter….hrs hrs went by he hasn’t called so I called him….he was very silent on the phone….i can hear his daughter right there close to him we didn’t stay on the phone 10 mins I asked him, “So can you talk now?” “Can I get a little time?”, “Why haven’t you called me?” he still sit on the phone being quiet…& while on the phone he sends me a message on fb messenger saying, ” I can’t go at it right now with my daughter right here” wtf???..but what else is going on?….Plus I’m 7 mos pregnant with his son(a mess I know) I feel it in my gut things are not right….when he comes back home I think it’s best we go our separate ways & never deal with each other again….because let’s be honest…..that is some messed up stuff going on up there….I want no parts of it
This message is late, so it may not help you. Hopefully, it will help someone else. I also pray that you did what was best for you and your child. I don’t know what I can say that is different from what you’re feeling in your heart. He couldn’t talk to you because the child’s mom was there, not because of a 3-year-old. That’s a fact. I don’t know if there were any unresolved issues with this previous relationship, but I can bet some money it was. Where did he stay while in Ohio? At a hotel or with the child and her mom? You already know where I’m going with this, so let’s not sugar coat it. I’m 95% sure that more than co-parenting was going on in this situation. I hope you have either forgiven him and set your expectations going forward regarding trips to see his daughter (such as going down there together) or went your separate ways and agreed to co-parent your child in a way that is healthy for all.
I’ve been in a long distance relationship with this guy for 4 months. For the first two months the communication was frequent and fun, which included whatsapp messages, video call, voice messages, sending photos to each other every day. After his 2-month break was finished, he started his new job, the communication was lessen, which was fine for me, as I am very independent and have a busy life home. But the frequency became waaaay too imbalanced, like a few short messages once a week, with no calls nor voice messages. I did encourage him by telling him that I was so happy to hear his voice and receive his messages, but seemed like that didn’t help. For the first few weeks since his work, he would leave me a voice message once a week telling me where he was traveling to for work. After several weeks, he would reply if I initiated messages, but if I didn’t, he would not wonder what was going on in my life, nor would he tell me what’s going on with his. And that has been going on for another 1.5 months. To be honest, I gave him the space, but he didn’t wonder what I was doing either. Our last conversation was 2 weeks ago, in which, again, I initiated the conversation and it kept short. 2 weeks later, he checked in saying he wanted to fly over to see me, but I didn’t want to. To me, 2 weeks of no contact was waaaaaay too long, and I didn’t both to initiate conversation again. I moved on. But in the future, how should I express what I don’t like with someone?
Tell him that 2 weeks of no contact is unacceptable. No one is that busy to pick up a phone, even for five minutes. People put an effort towards the things they want and the people they want to keep in their lives. In the future, make your expectations clear in the beginning.
So am dating this guy who seems kinda busy,everytime I want to meet him I have to wait for him to end a meeting and he always has to tell me he cancelled another to just be with me.Its been almost a week and he hasn’t initiated contact.Though in the first days he made it clear that he is usually so busy but then he is always on his phone.Should I call him?
No, you shouldn’t call him. We make time for the people and things that are most important to us.
He’s either really into his work or he’s seeing someone else (or worse, he’s married). I highly recommend dating other people.
I have been dating my husband for 6 years we been married 3years out that 6 years he’s been incarcerated for 9 years and he been home now for 11 mts and we really been having conflicts the whole time he been out of jail I caught him cheating in the bed with another woman and I waited for awhile before I took him bk cause he called me every day saying he was sorry and wanted our marriage to work so of course I took him bk and he have never caught me cheating but he caught a number in my phone and he left me for 2 weeks before he came bk home but seems like the little things I do are make him mad and I tell him in like let’s just talk this marriage out he don’t want to hear anything it’s always a no he can’t do this like he just had a big argument 2 weeks ago cause I always tell him I want a divorce and I’m not happy with him cause of the things he put me through and now he been gone 2weeks and I haven’t heard from him he haven’t called me are text me and I haven’t text are called him but I been so hurt like how can you just give up and throw away a marriage that easy when you calm you love a person it’s hard and I just don’t know what to do but I’m trying my best to stay strong…
Hi Tammy,
I’m so sorry for the hurt you are feeling right now. How long was your husband incarcerated? It says 9 years, but do you mean 9 months? Either way, I hate to tell you, but your marriage is over. It may have been over before he was locked up. In my opinion, he’s not ready for marriage. He probably likes the idea of having someone waiting for him at home while he goes off to do what he wants. Which could be committing crimes or sleeping with other women.
You deserve better. I would tell you to go to counseling, but it’s evident that he’s not interested in salvaging this marriage. Both people are required to make a relationship work and as I see it – you’re the only one in it.
I have been with my bf on and off for a year. He is busy with his bussiness and farm. Our relationship is long distance. So I tent to Express my feelings alot. So it was going so far so good and we usually try to work out our schedule . So he could call. It has been roughly 13 days since we last spoke. I was confused and worried. He never did that before. So the next day would have been 14 days that he didnt call. But I had to leave the country due to a family. But I had heart so I texted him from on the end of 3 week saying that I’m out of the country for 10 days and cant answer calls. Also that he was distant and checking in. So I already him that I will arrive on Sunday of the 4 week. Should I wait for his call . Or message him during the week.
Hi Mimi,
I say this often, but I think I need to say it again…People make time for what’s most important to them.
I run three blogs, an online business, and a face-to-face service business. I’m very busy, but I talk to my boyfriend multiple times a day. Usually, he’s the one who calls, but unless I’m driving or am with a client – I answer.
If he hasn’t called you back, then it’s probably safe to say that he’s no longer interested. If you have already verified that he’s not hurt or dead, it seems to me that he is trying to distance himself from you. Do not wait for his call. Go live your life, meet someone new. Women want closure, but most men are not going to give it.
Excellent reply! It’s so true women want closure but men often want the opportunity to come back at a later stage. Thank you
I am so tired of waiting and guessing WHY he has not called. I am paranoid big time because it is a long distance relationship and there is no way for me to know what he is doing or who he is with. We have been ‘together’ meaning ‘talking’ for 4 years and he became a part of my life. I am sick to my stomach thinking that he could be talking to someone else or dating someone locally.
I also found this encouraging article – in case it is ok to post a link here – i think it is helpful as well: https://beluckyinlove.net/always-busy-men/
I am torn becasue on one hand he understands me like no one else, and I cant tell him anything and so i want to keep him in my life,. , on another hand I’ m deeply hurt by his silence to the point that i just want to dump him BECAUSE what kind of a relationship is that where 90% of the time I feel sad and upset? It should not be like this.
He did it to me before. His excuse – someone died in his family. I checked his facebook and other people he is close to and no one mentioned ‘death in their family’. Soooo – was it a lie?
For this reason I do not even want to bother asking him again what is wrong or where he is. He will lie again. Men lie, ladies. Yes they do.
If I could fall out of love with this man – i would. It is hard. Thanks for reading my rambling.
You know, I met this great guy when I had already decided I wanted to fix my life first before going into any relationship again. His approach made me change my mind about my initial decision and I decided trying wouldn’t hurt. He wanted us to build a relationship from the scratch. Not to force things and see where it leads.
It started well. He would call always, we would hangout. He even introduced me to his Mother and some of his relatives. One night, on phone while we were talking, one discussion led to another and I ended up telling him about my relationship with men, how terrible it was. I had serious trust issues
He made me feel that he was different or at-least i thought so until he sooner than expected started making sexual advances at me. He didn’t force me though and told me it was Ok when I told him I needed to trust him first .
One day, he told me that he wanted the relationship to possibly progressed to marriage and I told him that, because of the terrible experiences I had with men, I had decided that I would never get married. I ended up telling him that we need to ride it out and see where it leads, If he’s worth it, it may lead to marriage. (I told him that)
Since we had that conversation, he started becoming distant. Now he doesn’t even call anymore (for 3days) and I have decided not to call him as well. I know for a fact that he’s doing okay. But I really want to know why he’s acting this way.
Hi Serenity,
I’m not sure why he stopped calling, but I think it could be a number of things. The fact that you told him you have trust issues or that you needed to see if “he’s worth it” for marriage. I don’t know. He either just wanted to get in your pants or he felt like the relationship could progress into marriage one day – and now he doesn’t. I mean, who has time for games anymore? Before you contact him you will need to decide what you really want. Either you want a relationship with him or you want to dwell in the baggage of your past. You can’t have both. If you decide that you want to work things out with him, call him and discuss how you all will move forward. Then go get counseling. And if you don’t want the relationship, move on – and then go get counseling.
Hi Serenity. Can I be honest with you?
Many men (and women) do not want to date ‘older’ people because they have baggage. Lots of it.
I do not know how old you are, but you seem to have baggage.
On top of that, you make this man PAY for what other men did to you. How fair is that?
I understand you do not want to be hurt again, but being this guarded won;t get you anywhere. You will end up being alone.
Perhaps you assign a great deal of importance to ‘having sex’ and that is why do not feel comfortable to advance your relat. to the next level. Listen to your intuition. What does it tell you?
I have met my husband 3 years ago this is a long distance relationship and the first year he would call me and was interested was all into me called me like 50x a day could not sleep without hearing me, then so a year later we get married everything was good while we were together then he left for his business and I find out I’m pregnant I tell him over the phone and he didn’t seem happy, then a well later we get into argument he tells me to abort the baby and says I don’t love you and of course I said I won’t and I cry my eyes out so a well passes he then says he loves me he said those things cause he thought maybe I have feelings for ex and I didn’t get why he even thought that way so we get together meaning we still on phone talking through my pregnancy but he gets distant and distant from me, he gets very rude and calls me names then he later says he sorry , so then he promises he will come when I’ll be giving labor and never does but he is on Skype during my labor then I barley hear from him after, so his excuse is he is always busy with his business but he always has time for hanging out with his friends and he says it’s all business then he reads his books and he sleeps for long time like way to Long never call later me through it the day if he does call me it’s usually for 5 to 20 min a day and he says be thankful, so this has been going on for 2 more years, every time I tell him how I feel he says I’m negative I complain to much I need to understand he business man I need to get on with my life and pay less attention to him, he says he never cheated on me but yet I find out he went to strip clubs an me went to clubs were strippers sit with you and you get to touch them , so later he admits it and says he is sorry for all this and will be honest with me and wont ever do it again, but now I don’t trust him at all, so not to long ago it was a Saturday and I ask him if we can talk and he says ya wait but like always I know he will never call me and if he will he will say he busy and be on his computer and not pay attention to me and if some other people talk to him there he will talk and laugh with them, so I call him and call him and he says I’ll call you back in 20 min and doesn’t then calls me in 3 hrs and he is on his bed all ready going to sleep and says I’m going to bed so I’ll give you like 10 min and I ask him what did you do? And he said oh went out to eat with my cousin then we sat by the beach just talked enjoyed peace and then we can home and I sa his cousin sleeping and I said so u came home long time ago and you didn’t call me and he said I read a book now I can give you a little time… Then he says what do you want from me? I’m not going to be after you like a dog I have better things to do and I need to use my energy to more business and you just nag about me giving you time.. so I said ok I won’t bother you again and he said good, then says just because I don’t call you doesn’t mean I don’t love you I need nothing from you and I said well I do I need your time your love and your attention and he says I don’t need anything so I told him I got the point that you don’t love me and he say if I don’t care what you make up in your head so I hang up and have not talked to him so far 3 days and he doesn’t even call me to even see his baby even though he says he loves him.. how do I get over him I love him and I don’t know honestly I’m I the bad one I’m I doing something wrong.. I am a woman and I need at least some attention and love I honestly don’t know what to do..
You’re going to have to come to the realization that this relationship is done. Going forward, you will have to have to figure out how you’re going to raise this baby by yourself. For some reason or another, your husband is not invested in this marriage. To me, it seems as if he’s in a relationship with someone else. Even if he’s not, this is no better. You deserve more than what you’re currently receiving. You deserve to be loved. You deserve to be with someone who is responsive to your needs. You deserve someone who will love and support your child and help you to raise them. You deserve more than what you’re currently receiving. You can talk to your husband about what you need from him and give him time to do better, but also have a plan b for if he doesn’t.
You know I have to say some of the things you were talking about we’re very true about why men don’t call you like he’s not into you and he may be talking to someone else but the way that you put it the same like you bashing women in the face like you want them to feel bad or something but there’s another thing I have to say about your article that you wrote you’re contradicting yourself the reason why I say that is because it’s on the part where you say the excuses that you are supposed to accept you put the excuses then you put the lies behind it like he was in the hospital there’s a phone type of thing and then at the end you say there’s no excuses I thought the list was about what excuses to accept but me personally I don’t accept no excuses and you shouldn’t. And then you say women that have their shit together you don’t know what people are going through because it look like on the outside looking in they ain’t got they shit together they must have got a life messed up when you just met them so you shouldn’t say that you need to be more mindful of what you say because your words are very harsh I’m just saying
I don’t know what people are going through because simply giving me a paragraph doesn’t tell me much about their lives. I also don’t put women down, so I’m sorry you feel that way. The truth is, most women don’t want real advice. They only want me to confirm the foolishness they are putting themselves through.
If that’s what you’re looking for, I’m not that woman. I give the same advice here that I would give my best friend. I want the best for them.
Everyone deserves to be loved.
If a man doesn’t call you – for days on end – he’s not that interested. Now if he’s in the hospital or dead, obviously he can’t call. But if he’s walking the street, going to work, sleeping in his bed each night, there’s no reason why an interested man hasn’t called. Just that simple. Women want closure. They want an explanation. Sometimes a man will give it to you, most often they won’t.
Well my husband hasnt called me since new years eve. We are having some issues and he is currently working in another country. We have been married for a year and a half.
When he first took this job we would talk 10 times a day. Im guessing that he has checked out mentally? I decided not to call to see if he would get in contact.
I wasnt sure what was wrong but thanks for your advice
First, check to see if he’s okay and not laid up in a hospital somewhere. Once you find out that he’s fine, then you can bless him out. He hasn’t called in over a week? Sounds like someone else has his attention. If he goes days without calling you, he’s sending a message that he’s not invested in this marriage. Have a talk with him and see if he wants to work on the marriage and let him know that his behavior is not okay in your marriage. If he is unwilling to change, then you may need to contact a lawyer.
I think your advice can be a little harsh. This is why we have such high divorce rates and single parent families. This lady said her husband hadnt called in a week and they are having some issues. Maybe he is in his feelings or in his man cave trying not to react or waiting to come home.
When a guy is just dating he may pull back sometimes to assess his feelings. Sometimes ppl are busy. If its a consistent pattern or he doesnt reply your messages thats bad but if he sometimes givez a few days break in communication thats not so bad
Ignoring someone is emotional blackmail, manipulation, and has no place in a relationship…especially a marriage! My advice may seem like it’s harsh, but as women, we often make excuses for men and their behaviors. Most of the time, the reasons are pretty simple.
I been seeing this man for years and we have good sex together but he make me so madd when he don’t get my calls or he say baby I’m go call you back and he don’t I be so madd so the other day I said on his phone why you not getting your phone I said this on his voicemail then I text him don’t worry bout me so I’m thinking he tock that the wrong way and said forget me and he always told me don’t ever say anything to him that I don’t mean so I’m guessing he’s done with me he haven’t called me or won’t say anything to me on texting him I’m so hurt it’s been a week but we been through this same thing before because of me temper and he be the cause of this I love this man with everything in me and I told him this every time I did see him this hurt so bad
By not returning your calls and texts, he’s showing you how important you are to him. If you want something more, move on to someone else.
I’ve been dating my BF for 2 years we’ve been having a few issues … he was trying to break it off but we decided to continue and WORK IT out … he was away on business … he invited me to the hotel … I came he didn’t answer calls or text long story short … I called the front desk they called security and unlocked his room door he was there alone and sleep … I walked in told him to check with security … he allowed
me to stay the night a little startled he was … the very next day he said he felt like i went to far etc he apologized for falling asleep but he states he was tired … i apologized for barging in the room etc he said he was glad i could see he wasn’t with no one etc …he called it crazy etc . then he stopped texting and has not called me for three days he’s usually calling texting etc .. but he’s alive he’s been posting on social media and such … did I just go too far ??? i haven’t tried to contact him because I feel ashamed about the CRAZY thing I did
I remember a similar situation many years ago. My boyfriend and I were at an event which was held near the hotel we were staying in. He was tired and I decided to stay out a little later with my best friend. When I came back to the hotel, I couldn’t get into the room. He had fallen asleep. I banged and banged and he didn’t wake up. I then went to the front desk to get someone to open the door for me. Long story short…he was in there sleeping. I fussed at him for not opening the door, he apologized and we went on about our business. End of story.
I don’t see anything wrong with what you did. You were invited to visit him at the hotel. He fell asleep. Okay… What were you supposed to do? Go back home? I don’t know how far you had to go to visit him, but I would’ve been a little irritated if I couldn’t get into the room after being invited. I feel he overreacted. If he hadn’t invited you and you took it upon yourself to barge into his room, then he would have all the right to be upset. But, he doesn’t. He wanted to break up with you and I feel this was his way out.
You could give him a little breathing room, but if he doesn’t come around soon you will have to move on. Ignoring someone is rude and if you all have been together for 2 years, he owes you more than the silent treatment. It’s childish and it’s manipulative.
Something like this happened to me. I went out the night before and overslept. I was asleep with my cousin in the hotel room and he barged in with security. I was so mad. I felt like it was such an invasion of privacy. I had invited him for breakfast but felt he took it too far.
The incident made me look at him different. Like he was too intense.
This might be how your guy sees it. Just pull back a little so he doesnt think your too much. He will go back to normal when he sees that action was out of character. Some men are always scared of being with a woman who they think is a bit crazy
Girl! Yes! I call bullshit when a guy says he can’t be reached when he’s “out of town.” I recently met a guy a few days ago online. He said he was going out of town to LA to spend time with his family for 5 days.
Then he mentioned that he’ll miss talking to me. I said, “Miss our chats? Does your phone not work in LA?”
This dumb ass responded that his grandmother died months ago and his mom asked the family to limit cell phone use during their visit and that they might go camping. Lolol He’s 35 – not a tween!
This f*ckboy went to the extreme to explain why I wouldn’t hear from him over the next 5 days. I don’t know any place in California that doesn’t have a cell phone tower. But he added “camping” as an extra layer of bullshit.
I said, “All good. Enjoy your trip.” And promptly deleted his number. I can always tell how intelligent people are by how stupid they think I am. Lol
What if you’ve been talking to this guy for almost a year and you work together. Then in one single day he just stops initiating contact and I think he’s avoiding me at work when he can. I feel like I need to say something..to stand up for myself….it’s been a few weeks now, but I feel like I need to text him, stating that I thought we were friends, give it to me straight so I don’t feel awkward at work..? We were romantic but we definitely developed a friendship. That’s what hurts the most, I thought we were friends and to just stop initiating conversation is crushing. He also sent me a birthday gift the day he dropped off. Any advice would help
Try to have a conversation with him about his sudden change in behavior. If he refuses to speak with you about it, move on.
I met a guy a month ago we are in our 60s he broke up with someone and said he didn’t want anything serious I thought he liked me. We got along fine and had a laugh then he turns cold and distant and dosent tex or call he has left me confused I don’t expect much just a bit of company and respect .He often said his x wanted him back ,that made me feel uncomfortable but he said he hasn’t got feeling for her now but still keeps in touch with her I hate this ghosting and I feel he hasn’t given me a chance.
Sorry to hear that, but that’s his loss. If he reaches out, great, but don’t stop living waiting on him. There are plenty other men out there who will provide the companionship you crave. You’re still young!
Hi, so I met this online… N after one month he proposed me…. Then he was asking for pics etc ..n he told me that he can’t control his anger.. n he can’t listen no to anything.. then 2 months was okay….he was busy with his work which he gave me the excuse. …After 2 months he stop calling me or texting me… I try to initiate but he just replied.. then he told me can’t talk.. after that I call me he acted cold n then called him on his birthday… He picked up the call, thanked me n then told me that he will call me in 5-10mins but he didn’t call me n it has been a week since he has not texted or called me… N when last time I called him I told him I m serious etc n asked him to give me some time 5 mins 10mins will be enough from his busy schedule but still the same thing..
Sorry to break it to you, but he’s not interested. Or he’s involved with someone else. If he’s this way now, what do you think life will be with him if you married him? Just be happy you dodged a bullet and keep it moving. You’ll find someone who has time for you.
My boyfriend doesn’t even call me for 1 month , and that time our last conversation ,he told me like these,’wait for me please’ I’ll call you’ I’ll get back to you when everything is going well’ I’ll clear up and get back to you, wait for me. That’s all he’s saying. Sorry but I don’t know what should I do. Should I wait for him or not?
Live your life. Why does he want you to wait for him – so he can live his? If you’re available when he’s ready and you still want to pursue a relationship with him, then is the time to make it happen. Not now.
I’m sorry to hear that. Let him make the next move. If he doesn’t, move on. His loss.
Please don’t be depressed. It’s not you, but it is definitely him. This sounds like a long-distance relationship, which in my opinion rarely ever works unless both partners are fully committed.
“Trust people until they give you a reason not to”. In my opinion, he has given you plenty reason not to trust him. Use your head and not your heart in this situation. First of all, it seems like he came to visit his brothers and not you. Brothers are close, but are they REALLY that close? Second, I have a zillion and one cousins and I have yet to call any of them baby. Finally, the fact that he blocked you on the app tells you everything you need to know.
You deserve love, affection, and attention – FULLY – from the person you are with.
There’s this guy that said he likes me and would like to date me , so we met in his house and we had sex (it was great) , we met the second time but we didn’t have sex , then the third time we had sex . Every since then he hasn’t called or texted me . It’s really sad cause he mad me feel so comfortable with him . Sometimes I get tempted to call him . It’s been almost 2 weeks now no calls no text .
He may have been just interested in sex and doesn’t feel the way you do. You’re both grown, so if he doesn’t call, keep living your life.
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So my boyfriend had an issue with the police & was locked up for a few days in another state. 2 days I think. All that time I was worried & I had to reach out to his brother, to know what’s happening, every-time he was able to reach his phone, he would drop a short message for me telling me what was going on atm & then he would go off shortly cause they didn’t let him have his phone for long.So fast forward to the day he got released, he texted to say, baby I’m out. I was so happy, then I went ahead to ask him if I could call him now ? Also He was sending me snaps of his environment, like he was just outside the police station with a few of his friends. So I asked again after I watched the snap, if I could call him again & then he was like baby don’t worry I’ll call you later. And then I was like okay. I waited & slept off , and the next day he still hadn’t called, so I called & I was like, you said you’d call me & he’s like why do I have to be the one to call you ? That statement just pissed me off, I mean he could’ve been joking but I didn’t care & I just started screaming at him, he was calm all through the time I was shouting, all he said was babe let’s text, I’m getting dressed. Then he texted & said I’m going to catch a flight by 4 back to the state we both reside. I was just pissed, I said all these plans & you didn’t tell me anything till now, I started complaining again, he just replied okay. He was being so dismissive about it or he was avoiding the conversation. Not sure which. I was like okay what? He says okay I accept all the allegations against me. I was like you’re not even one bit apologetic, is this a joke to you ? He the goes ahead to say he’s not ready for this, he really doesn’t need this right now. I just replied okay, enjoy your flight. He read & said nothing else. I was upset. So I didn’t call or reach out to him again. This went on for 6 days. I decided to reach out & he’s been ignoring me. Calls, messages. He finally replied & told me he never thought I would ever do this to him. After he had been through an ordeal, I went ahead to start a fight with him because he didn’t call me that day & I didn’t care to reach out for 6days or check on him. Like hEs really pissed off. He said I hurt him & he’s still hurt, I’ve apologized to him & he’s still telling me why did I decide to reach out? Why don’t I wanna keep the same energy I started with?
He’s playing games. Unless you like playing games too, don’t bother with him and move on. Arrests and convictions are a matter of public record. Check your local jurisdiction to see if there are any recent arrests or open court cases. It’s free. You may find out that he was lying about being locked up or that he’s a criminal. Either way, you need to stay far away from him.
Met a guy online and have been dating for the last 6mos. Told him at the beginning my life is busy and have always been in long relationships and have a child so not looking for anything heavy and would prefer to casually date and to see where things go. But he was insistent on wanting a serious relationship and being exclusive and he was so charming and interesting (and hot) I said okay, let’s be exclusive after a month or so. He has 2 public facing jobs (one as a firefighter) and a 10yo child and trains at the gym a lot so is very busy. I’m a full time working mum with a toddler so am also busy but we made time for each other and for the 1st 3-4mos things were going really great. Then the flirtiness pretty much stopped, messaging became sporadic and I was always the one to initiate communication. He said he was tired in the evenings and would pass out early or busy at work and cant be seen on his phone which is fair enough when he is with the public but he can do what he wants when he is at the station, and it didnt seem to be an issue when he was pursuing me for the first few months as he would make time to message a lot and check in. Over the last couple of months he would message to say good morning but that was mostly it and I was putting in far more on the comms. What really started to irritate me is that he would start showing up sometimes 1 hour or more after he said he would be at mine with no explanation other than he stopped at the supermarket on the way or something and never an apology and would look at me and respond like I’m nagging, over reacting etc even though I was calm about it and would explain that it’s not respectful of our limited time together and just to call if he’s gonna be late so that I’m not worrying he’s been in an accident, etc. Anyway, it came to a point over 3wks ago where we were supposed to meet on a Sat (my kid was at his Dad’s) and his night shift went overtime. He texted in the morning to say he was still working and I said no problem, let me know the plan and let’s meet up when you’re finished. Then I didnt hear from him for a few hours. So i gave him a call and he said he was on his way to his second job and he would call me as soon as he stopped driving in 15mins and let me know the plan. Another 2 hours went by so I messaged and said I was going to head out to see friends as I hadnt heard from him and assumed he was still going to spend time with his kid (who I hadnt met) that evening. He replied and said he was still at his 2nd job and sorry for the lack of organisation and that the night shift had tripped him out, and I replied that I dont mind lack of organisation but I do mind lack of communication especially when i could be seeing friends or family instead. And he just hasnt replied or called since. That was 25 days ago. He has definitely seen the message and I’m tempted to send a message just to have closure etc and check he’s not dead/in hospital but y’know 99% sure that’s not the case. So frustrating and humiliating that 6mos together meant so little to him that he cant be bothered to message back or even end it properly. We live quite close to each other and I know I will probably end up bumping into him and have no idea how to react to that. Do I have the right to be annoyed about it? This hasn’t happened to me before and I dont know how I should be reacting, like is it normal for someone to check out after messaging each day, being together and meeting my kid? First time online dating so am I expecting too much from someone I met on an app? He was the one who wanted exclusivity and now it feels like I’m the one who is needy. I’m just so sad, upset, baffled, disrespected and annoyed, yet I still have a lot of love for him and all the great things about him and wish he would call. Should I message him? It seems desperate but I dont want it to be over even though I’m realising that it is, as there’s no coming back from almost a month with zero communication, is there?
Do not call this man. He has moved on and you should as well. It’s possible he was working a lot, but there are 24 hours in a day. He could find 10 minutes to call. It’s also possible he was juggling multiple women. Men may push for a commitment early because they want to make sure you’re not dating anyone else, all the while they’re dating other people. Go live your life and find someone who will make you a priority. And NO you do not need closure.
I am in a relationship with a guy but since ever we started dating he doesn’t like calls his call is always once in a while but whenever his online he always send voice message and always wanted to hear from me through voice message ………. whenever his online he doesn’t want me to chat someone else except him and if I don’t reply fast his always complaining saying things I don’t like his always annoying with his complains
Hey Nancy. How often do you see him? Are you sure you all are in a relationship? This sounds one-sided and a bit controlling. A person who is interested (and not involved with someone else) will make time for you. Just a thought.
My boyfriend called and I didn’t pick later I posted on my page
I called him later after he shouted at me to get off his phone and hung up on me
What should I do
Hello,
Appreciate your post and honesty.
I have been talking to someone I had met online for 3 months. Spending almost everyday texting or calling when we can. His conversation effort was equal to mine and it felt like we were on the same page. He told me he has only been in one relationship before and he is 24. I am 21 and have also only been in one serious relationship before. So we both talked about it and said we weren’t looking for a hookup or something flimsy. Conversation was normal as ever and comfortable. He expressed he told his family about me etc. He mentioned often that he has social anxiety and is an introvert. He said he only really has a few friends and close family. He opened up to me and even said “if this continues on this path, you could be the first person I say I love you to” which I had mixed feelings about at first but became vulnerable over time and started opening up as well. He asked for space recently because he had been busy with work and also some friend events he went to. He said this makes him exhausted and that he just likes his alone time, which I respected. He even told me that things haven’t changed and that I should not panic. It’s been a full week since I have talked to him. I tried texting him to see if he was okay but my IMessage has yet to deliver. I thought he might have blocked me, so I tried calling and got straight to voicemail. My friend was mad this was happening so she tried calling him and got the same response. So we figured his phone was shutoff but it has been 3 days since we did that. I’m moving on but I can’t help thinking something is completely wrong. He even told me he would not drop me on a whim or “ghost” me. Please help. I have severe anxiety and can’t seem to ease my mind.
Long-distance relationships rarely work. When they do, it’s due to the hard work of both parties to keep things going. It doesn’t seem like he’s putting much effort in. Whenever I think of phone relationships, I think of Catfish. I’m not saying that you were being catfished, I just believe that it’s possible he’s living his life while talking to you on the phone. He could have a whole family and you wouldn’t know because you only call or text on the phone. You’re not part of his life. Date around with men in your local area and get out and live your life.
I went on 3 dates with a guy over a few weeks, he pursued me…took me out to lovely places, was attentive…he told me how much he liked me…that he wanted to spend more time with me…we had the same goals in life…would message me regularly and keep in touch every day. I had a good feeling about him. He said he would call me one evening after he finished work, then never did. Heard off him a day later, he said ‘work is busy’ and he very loosely make next date arrangements. I sent a friendly reply. Then I’ve heard absolutely nothing from him for 3 days. Have I been ghosted? Do I give up?
I would give him a few more days. If he hasn’t contacted you then, he may have lost interest or is actively dating several others. He could also be very busy. I never believe a man is too busy to call, text, email, send carrier pigeons…but, I’m old-fashioned. If you are really interested, you may want to call him one more time and get him to finalize your upcoming date plans. If he doesn’t respond or doesn’t commit to a date, then move on.
I’m in a mess. I married last year but before we could complete the marriage ceremony, lockdown and coronovirus happened. So I have been living with my family in England and he lives in scotland with his family. Until the marriage ceremony is completed we cannot move in and live together due to religion and family wishes. He texts every day but doesn’t call much. My family and I tested positive for covid and we have been really ill since Sunday. He has called twice in that time and texted everyday. I don’t want to sound needy but I feel he should have called more than twice in a week to check up on me. Should I call it quits? I feel as he doesn’t call me he can’t be bothered with the relationship. Do I cut my losses and hope I can find someone else in time to have children. Or put this down to a blip due to long- distance? I also have trauma from childhood as parents were in abusive and violent marriage. My mother is still toxic, mentally unstable and a horrible person if I’m honest and I feel the years of emotional trauma is affecting my relationship with him.
I am praying for you and your family’s healing. COVID is very serious and getting well should be the first thing on your mind. Get well soon. As for your soon-to-be husband, you have every right to be concerned. Have you spoken to him how you would like for him to call more and text less? If you have and he has continued to mostly text, you may want to reconsider your upcoming nuptials. During your time of separation, I believe he should definitely contact you more on the phone. Before getting married, work on the issues that the two of you are going through now. When you walk down the aisle, it will be too late. Good luck.
My boyfriend left the state because his aunt had a stroke. He was gone for 6 days and called me 1 day for 2 mins. He came back and didn’t bother to tell me. He came back Wed night and called me Friday morning. His excuse was he didn’t want to burden me with his family issues. Knowing quite well that I don’t mind him sharing anything with me and the fact that communication is very important. When I learned he was back and didn’t bother to let me know I ended it. I told him I loved him but I didn’t deserve this. I told him I’m done and hung up. Rewind a week prior he was out of town on a boys trip for 5 days and also didn’t call or text but told me that I can text or call if I wanted to. I didn’t.
Now he’s calling and texting me and I’m not replying. I took it to that level because he has a history of poor communication and we’ve already talked about it so many times. We were together for 15 months.
I cried when I cut him off but I can’t continue to be shut out and feel not valued. Was I wrong to complete stonewall him? I’m beginning to feel bad because he text me “you don’t deserve what I did please forgive me” I forgave him but I don’t deserve this.
The fact that you already had this conversation with him and he continued to do it, proves to me that you did the right thing. You have to show people how to treat you. Telling a partner that something hurts you and for them to continue doing it, means that they have no regard for your feelings. In this day and age of cell phones, there’s no excuse for a quick call or text here and there. You could be out of the country and use Whatsapp to connect. Being off the grid for a week is entirely too long, especially for someone who you’ve been in a relationship with for over 15 months. You deserve better.
I’m kinda in a relationship with this guys who promised heaven and Earth having told him the experience I had with my exes. he used to call tons of time per day suddenly he stopped calling. I literally call him everyday, sometimes he will hang up to receive another call and he won’t call back wen he’s done. he owned me money for about a month now, he never pay back. anytime I asked for it he used to sound someone immediately I talked about it, is either he hang up or keep silent. he will tell me he has sent the money today, then the next tomorrow network is back from his side. it’s obvious the guy is no longer interested in the relationship again and he does not want to pay me. pls what should I do?
Cut off all contact with him and take the loss. He has no intention of ever paying you back and it’s not even worth the headache. If you loaned him a substantial amount, you could try to sue him for it. But again, it may not even be worth it. At this point, peace may be the ultimate payback.
Hii am Sarah… Well I really like this guy alot, we have been together for like 5months and he is a banker for 1weeks now he has not called or text me..
The last call we had he told me his ex girlfriend called him to apologise after they broke up for like months… Well he told me he would not accept her I don’t know if that was a lie or not… But something is telling me they are back together, I don’t really know.. He even promised we would go out today but he had not called or text but I never called him because of the ego I had… And now I never regretted not calling after reading some stories similar to mine.. But what do you think ma?
Hi Sarah. I would give him another week to see if he’ll call. It’s possible he has gotten back with his ex. It’s also possible that he’s been busy. He could also be working through his feelings of having his ex come back into his life. He could be confused. After the week, you could call him or move on.
Hello Sarah,
Thanks a lot for helping everyone with your valuable suggestions. I am also in bit of a mess here. I have been on and off in an ldr since 3 years. I have broken up with him at least 6 times in these 3 years. The problem is that he calls once in two to three days. And if I call between this period, he doesn’t pick up. Neither does he send me any message telling that he is busy. If I send a message, he mostly doesn’t respond. On his free days especially he doesn’t call. The next day he tells me that he was sleeping whole day or was busy with stuff. He has been like this from the very beginning. I tried telling him that we have to call more , if we want this relationship to grow. However, he seems so surprised every time I tell that I want more calls. He says that he is busy and I should understand. I tried breaking up with him as I realised that I was crying almost every day and I will never be happy with him. But once I break up with him, after a silence of one week, he starts calling like crazy and tells me that he can’t live without me and he will try to change himself. Then, I give in and he calls once a day for a week just to again fall back in the previous patttern after that Basically, nothing changes.
I love him a lot but I don’t want him at the cost of my happiness and mental health. I want to ask you that is it worth it? Is it possible that he is dating other women simultaneously? Is this compatibility issue big enough for me to end it for good this time? Please help me. I am already 33 now and need to decide about it soon. I have tried talking to him, breaking up with him. He doesn’t let me go but he is not ready to give me what I need. I feel so lonely and sad.
hi ive been dating a guy for almost 2 months. weve been hanging out for a while texting and talking. last night we spoke on the phone for 2 hours. Havent heard from him all day today. I know its only been a day but hes been on social media. its driving me crazy. we have a date for this weekend. what should i do?
Hi Ami,
I’m so happy you found someone to connect with. If he hasn’t called you today, don’t worry, he may be talked out. Lol. Seriously, he may be busy or saving it all up for your date this weekend. Don’t worry until you don’t hear from him after a few days. Good luck!
Hi 8 have been dating this guy for five months now we started talking on sep last year it was a long distance relationship,everything was going well,he came back by January this year he took me to his parents to know them so later he travelled back everything was still going fine until when we had an issue he called I didn’t pick up,he never call back or texted why I didn’t pick his call I later called he blamed everything on me.i apologized.he now stop calling and texting me,but if I call him he answers my call but to me it was different he doesn’t call or text unless I do.am confused I don’t know what to do again
I’m not a proponent of long-distance relationships. In my opinion, they rarely work. However, it seems to me that he’s playing a game of emotional blackmail and he’s doing just enough to keep you tied to him. You don’t know what he’s doing and no matter what he tells you, there’s no way for you to know if he’s telling the truth. Stop calling or texting him. If he doesn’t reach out, then you need to move on. You deserve to be treated like the queen you are.
I have been living with my husband for 8 years. He went on a trip to Cuba for 3 weeks and then decided to extend his trip another 11 days due to his elderly father’s illness. He has called me sporadically. The last time I spoke to him was a week ago and I have no way to get in touch with him as he never installed whatsapp on his phone. I did message his niece to ask him to call me regarding an issue with his return flight but that was a while ago and I really don’t want to be bothering her. He needs to buy a phone card and use someone’s phone to call me. My issue is that this whole trip has been vague, he never said where he was saying and when I do speak with him, I sense there is someone else listening nearby. I actually believe he went there to be with another woman. I just have that feeling. Now, it’s been just about a week since I spoke to him and I have this feeling he isn’t coming back here. A friend of his had dropped him off at the airport and is keeping the car at his house. the car is in my name. he’s supposed to come back this week on Thursday and still no word. You would think he needs the flight info, covid info. I have no idea of what to do. Should I go get the car? Have I been ghosted. Should I wait and see what’s going to happen?
I always say to trust your gut. I’m not saying he’s in Cuba with another woman, but something is keeping him from coming home. Were there signs before he left? Scratch that. Of course there were signs. If you don’t know what they were, you need to run the tape back in your mind or start looking for evidence. If you can, check credit card statements, phone records, etc. You’ll probably find all the answers you need to go forward and to move on with your life. If he hasn’t come home by Thursday, I would go pick up my car from his friend’s house. It’s a liability for you if nothing else. In the meantime, get your financial ducks in order…just in case. Good luck to you and I wish you some closure sooner rather than later.
A guy I’ve been seeing and sleeping with for going on 4 years, didn’t call me when I said I was sick. We didn’t speak that day. The next day, he didn’t call me or text me.
Today, when I called (day 3 of this) twice and texted about 3 times, he texted he’d call in a little bit. That was at 1:30 pm; he finally called at 5:30 pm and was very upset that I texted and called so much. He also said that he does want a relationship, which is why it has been so confusing for 4 years. He tells me I’m playing games whenever I tell him that I’m hurt and he gets even more upset. Today, during an awful 25 min conversation after 3 days, he was distant and cold. I’m sick with stage 4 breast cancer and he has known for a year now. I told him I was in the ER and he still, didn’t call me for 2 days. Now, he told me that the next time I get upset and keep saying I don’t want to do this, whatever that is, he’s just going to:”give me a day” and not speak with me since it’s annoying and upsetting him whenever I say I’m done. Considering he always tells me he doesn’t want a relationship or a girlfriend whenever I ask, I’m unsure what on earth he’s upset about when I say I’m done with this. 4 years of this, seeing each other and caring for him-has landed me here. I cried on the phone for most of the 25 min conversation and he never once said anything kind, he was rather cruel. I ask him all the time, would he possibly date me in the future, 10 years from now. He always said “no”. Last time I asked, he said: “I don’t know, maybe”. I took it as a hopeful sign, now I think I’m crazy. I asked would you date me in 10 years, and he said MAYBE? He can’t even commit to 10 years from now, since it’s been already 4 years, he can’t commit to an idea of dating me in 14 years of sleeping with me? I’ve never been to his house, each time I ask, he says he’s private. Last week, I asked him for a millionth time, if I could meet at least 1 of his friends (I’ve not met a single person in his life; friends or family), he said no. I asked him to please consider it, he said “ok”, but then immediately said: “but I don’t think I will do that. I keep my friends groups separately”?! Wtf does that even mean. As a final note, I’d like to point out that I ALWAYS have been paying for whenever we go out (his dinner/lunch and mine), he never offers or makes an attempt to pick up a check. Because we can’t go to his house (he says his mom lives w/him), I have to pay for hotel rooms on weekly basis when we see each other. I pay for dinner, pay for room, then after staying for about 3 hours each time, we leave in the middle of the night; around 2:30 am! He jerks saying that he likes to sleep in his own bed. I have to beg him to spend the night in the room with me, he’s only done so once or twice. Am I clingy and needy, plus crazy? I feel so sad and stupid
First of all, I just want to say that I wish you all the healing and strength necessary to fight your illness. You are going through a lot with your health right now. The last thing that you need is to stress over a man who is not being compassionate, caring, or attentive to your needs. Stress is harmful to your body and mind.
You are not being clingy, needy, or crazy by wanting a commitment from someone. You are not being extra desiring a partner who wants to show you how much they care and love you. You need all the support you can get right now. I won’t tell you what to do, because I think you already know what to do. Four years is a long time to not be in a relationship and not to have met any of his friends.
I look at every day as my last. Do I want to waste my last day on someone who brings me nothing but grief and heartache? Love yourself and you’ll be less likely to take any b.s. from any person who treats you less than you deserve. I ended a 6-year relationship with a man who said that he was never going to get married. I want to be married, so it is clear that he is not the man for me.
I blocked a man who played with my emotions for 6-months and who dangled the idea of a relationship over my head. I made up my mind not to waste any more time on someone who didn’t value their bond with me.
If you haven’t been to his house and he won’t wake up with you in the morning, it sounds like he’s already in a relationship with someone else. And you’re paying for everything? No, ma’am!
Life is precious and so are you. You are no one’s option. Determine what you will accept, and what will make you happy, and then do what is necessary for all that to happen. Good luck to you.
Thank you for your reply; I appreciate it. I did want to ask something, if I may.
We’ve actually known each other for almost 10 years. Starting to sleep together began about 4-4.5 years ago. Prior to that and while that was happening, I’ve asked almost daily to see his apartment. He’s been to my house 3-4 times, however, originally he told me that he lives alone but his mom comes into the apartment whenever his stepdad was away on medical business trips. I never understood how that made any sense. The more I asked him, the more ge told me that I’m weird and in all of his 38 years, only 1 other girl wanted to be invited, if only for a moment, into his house.
Same goes for meeting his friends or family. I also asked him a few months ago to maybe meet my dad; he said he doesn’t know and will think about it. It’s been 3 months and he never brought it up. I’m very hurt because it feels as if he is ashamed of me and I’m unsure as to why.
As far as paying for ALL things we do, including a few trips we took, we’re in my car since I have an SUV and ge gas a sedan. I paid for the gas, the food, the room; he never even offers. It’s an uncomfortable discussing, but I’ve said things regarding this particular issue in the past. I explained that it makes me feel odd that I always pay (I let him use my fuel points to fill up his car, saving quite a lot. On top of that, I even offered and he accepted a few times I filled up his tank. The way we meet is odd, now that I read your reply. We meet in the parking lot about 10-12 min away from his house. I drive over 25 miles to get there. Then, we used to leave in his car, leaving mine in the parking lot. Then, after my treating him to dinner and a hotel room, almost like clockwork, he’d doze off for about an hour, then awake around 2:30 am and say we need to go bc he has to sleep in his own bed, it’s more comfortable and he does like yo sleep in, which is easier if he’s already at home. Then, he drives me back to the parking lot where my car was left and I depart around 3 am to drive the 25 miles back home. Recently I explained to him, that it makes me feel cheap, since the hotel front desk sees me checking in with him at 11-11:30, then leave just a few hours later in the same clothes. He told me that there’s no other option, which hurts my feelings so incredibly, can’t put into words.
Aside from all these issues, there’s also the fact that he says (always said) he doesn’t like to kiss on the lips. According to him, it’s bc years ago he kissed a girl he was “hooking up with” and had a sore throat the next day. Although, he said that the girl didn’t have it the next day or after, which makes no sense as I think about it now why this would matter with me, seeing how according to his own statement, that girl didn’t have a sore throat, it was, literally, his issue. Am I just truly crazy and clingy for continuing to ask him to please introduce me to JUST one friend (he could pick which one since I know none of them!), and all I keep hearing is I’m weird to keep asking. The last time I asked him about a sexual position (don’t want to be crude), but going down and he explicitly said to me that it’s never going to happen, he’s not into it and to NEVER bring it up again! He actually suggested I ask one of my admirers to do it, which was so insulting and embarrassing. However, he’s very picky and constantly asks me to things that I have never done in the sex Department.
I don’t want to think he’s using je, but am running out of ways to justify it. I do make more money that he does. That said, he’s actually an attorney with a small practice, as well as has 2 burger restaurants and 1 new one on the way with his 2 partners. I’ve never been invited to either one of the locations opening nor have been invited to stop by. I don’t want to make him uncomfortable, but that never made sense. Does it? I know I’m needy and can be an over-thinker, but is this normal? Thank you again!
No, this is not normal. If it doesn’t make you feel good, then you don’t need to be with him. If I were you, I would block him and move on with your life. If he isn’t with someone (which I believe he is), then it means he could be a narcissistic psychopath. Not kissing you or pleasuring you is not only his way to keep control of the relationship (and you), but it could be his way of trying to not become emotionally attached. I also understand how you feel “cheap” when leaving the hotel. If it doesn’t feel good, if it makes you feel less than…then leave him alone. Drop him like a bad habit. He doesn’t sound like a good person. I also encourage you to talk to a therapist to work through some issues you may have that allows you to accept this treatment from him. Good luck to you.
I don’t know how to respond in a way that cushions your feelings because it is clear that you have deep feelings for this man and struggle to accept the FACT that he is so very much using you. He’s not even trying to hide it really. He must have some personality and perhaps some serious bedroom skills but if you are wanting to be in a real relationship with someone who cares for you and values you, you know you are not going to that here. I don’t even know you but I know you deserve and can have so much better. I encourage you, if you are able, to read your post back to yourself out loud and listen to the words that are coming out of your mouth, Then ask yourself what you are doing? Why would you even want to meet someone that would associate with a such a sorry excuse for a full grown man.
BLOCK him. Find a relative or close friend’s shoulder to cry on and be as kind to yourself as possible until the fog that he has your head and heart swimming in clears and the mourning for the loss of the fantasy of what you wished that relationship could be is replaced with the joy and relief of realizing that you have freed yourself from this man’s demoralizing grip and are now able to find actual happiness with someone who deserves you. Best wishes to you. You can do it!
Thanks you. Everything in this article is exactly what I was thinking and feeling; however, when I told my man that I was going to move on because it was clear to me that he wasn’t feeling me anymore he swore my perception was off and he’s crazy about me ect. I was really confused at first because to me, his behavior spoke loudly and clearly but I gave him the benefit of the doubt and communication between us improved…for about 3 days. Tomorrow will be a week since I’ve heard from him, hasn’t returned my calls and sent one short (in length and tone) about being “out of town on a big job”. Too me this just sounds like a lame and unacceptable excuse to me and I think he was gas lighting me last time. Why not just bid me goodbye and wish me the best when I tried to move on the first time? It’s only been 3 months but the first 2 were pretty intense. (I think he might be a narcissist and was love bombing me). Should I wait until he calls again and then break up with him or should I just ghost him?
I think you should trust and follow your intuition. You expressed to him how you were feeling and it was his turn to put you at ease. Instead, he chose not to. It’s possible he’s a narcissist. Or a love bomber. Or a gas lighter. Or all of the above! It’s sad that we can’t be honest with the people we are in relationships with. Love shouldn’t be this hard! He also sounds immature, to be honest with you. Instead of using this opportunity to open communication with you, he has shut down and ignored you. Ask yourself if you are happy continuing in a situation such as this, with a man who treats you like that. Do what’s best for you. Protect your heart.
Mine is actually a really strange event though, but I’m really confused and need advice on this. There’s this guy, who I’ve seen his picture from a friend and eventually asked for his contact cause, well…I found him attractive, my spirit just went with him and he was into a business I had always aspired to be a part of, so I saw that as an opportunity to get closer to him.
Although he hasn’t seen me, I wanted to start by being friends through chatting with him, but it seems he’s not interested because when I initially asked about the business stuff, he replied quickly, until I began asking questions outside business related stuff, like personal questions, I could feel that he began getting distant. I would send a message in the day time and he’d reply in the evening or the next day, he’d reply with short answers and never try to ask me questions or keep the conversation going. And he’d certainly never chat me up first. And It was obvious he was online. It always felt like I was forcing him to talk with me. This went on for three days till I got fed up and deleted his number on the third day and he hasn’t tried reaching out since then. And it’s been three days.
My suprise is that he hasn’t seen me, so why would he suddenly dislike me right?. Plus…I thought he’d be curious to see who he’s atleast chatting with, but he doesn’t just care to know who this is.
I just want to know if I overrated. Probably because he doesn’t even know I like him and he’s just being himself. Atleast that’s what my friend said.
It seems like he’s not interested or he’s involved with someone else. It’s also possible that he doesn’t know that you’re interested in him and that he may feel as if you’re wasting his time on the business front. If he thinks that you’re trying to get advice or something else related to business for free, he may not see the value in keeping in contact with you. You should call him and tell him that you’re interested in him beyond business and see how he responds. If he doesn’t respond favorably or not at all, move on.
I and my boyfriend had stopped talking going to 4days now. I hardly call him ,I kind of like it when my guy does the calling but he isn’t. And I do see him online on WhatsApp ,does it mean he’s not interested anymore?
Possibly or he’s waiting for you to call him. If your boyfriend used to call you every day and then he started calling you less, then it’s possible he’s lost interest. If you had an argument, then it’s likely you all need a few days to blow off some steam. Afterward, one of you will need to start the communication if you want your relationship to continue.
I’m looking to the right column… it says you have an ebook that says “Make ANY Man Yours For Life” then I guess it doesn’t work because we’d be able to have our man that want and we love and isn’t calling us… because it says make ANY man devoted to you… but in this article you’re saying “eh, don’t bother with him he doesn’t want you” but your ebook says ANY man. Hmmm Mmmmmm K. (Cuz I’d like my man not anyone else but you’re saying eh, don’t bother move on.) A little contradictory.
You can have any man you want, but do you want to? If you’re looking to put voodoo spells on men or force them to like you, that’s not what the ebook is for. A man has to have some attraction to you and should want you. If not, why would you want them? When I say don’t bother, then I’m telling a woman to have some self-respect about themselves. If he doesn’t want you – he doesn’t want you.
I have a boyfriend he’s in the military starting our relationship he used to call me everyday, before work and text but now it’s almost two years in our relationship the communication has gone down last week he came home for his break he started calling me we even met and had fun after we parted we talked and I thought we were okay. But then he didn’t call and I called and texted for three days and now he just texted, didn’t explain anything just said it’s fine as if I was just overreacting he didn’t even explain anything.
An extreme change in communication can signal a red flag in a relationship. It’s a little difficult to gauge in your situation if there’s an issue, simply because your boyfriend is in the military. I’m not sure if he’s overseas or on base…he could just be busy. He could have also lost interest or is talking to someone else. I would have a conversation with him and express how you’re feeling and your expectations with communication going forth. If he doesn’t respond or change, I would move on. Good luck to you.
I started seeing this guy for a month and 3 weeks now, He wants to be in a relationship with me and want to take it slow. I said that was fine by me but I have one problem with him, He doesn’t call or text me he always says his busy with work and school which I understand. We would go for 3 days to a week no call or chat from him when I try to call him it doesn’t go through and when I text, he doesn’t reply . He text me whenever he feels like and apologise for not communicating with me he would say he misses me. We have never gone on an official date, he always say something like his tired and not feeling well and I end up going to his place . I try initiating conversations with him wanting to know more about him but he always keeps it short and say his not much of a talker. How do I know if he is into me or playing me ?
Hey!!! First of all, you are worthy of love and attention.
I expect a man that is interested in me to call regularly and to take me out on dates. If he doesn’t, I’m going to assume he’s not that interested in me. I deserve attention and affection. I don’t give my attention, time, or heart to someone who can’t or won’t even do the bare minimum.
You shouldn’t either.