Are you looking for signs he’s not husband material? If so, you’ll be surprised at how clear and simple the signs are.
I am a firm believer that you don’t have the time to be in relationships that are not going anywhere – especially if you’re a woman over 30 looking for a husband.
And no one wants to spend years in a relationship that is headed to a dead end.
We always ask for signs that this person is the one we will be with for the rest of our life. I’m not him (or her), but I do have 10 signs he’s not husband material.
No Shared Values or Beliefs
I believe Christians and Jews can have a healthy relationship, but if you value things like faithfulness or attending church and your partner doesn’t, it could be an issue.
I’ve found the most success with men who grew up in similar households and shared a commitment to healthy relationships. While not all men raised by single mothers were different, many of them had differing expectations for our future together.
It’s essential to be on the same page in a relationship to avoid communication issues and disagreements when it comes to raising children if you decide to start a family.
Friends and Family Don’t Approve
When we’re in love, we tend to view our partners with rose-colored glasses. Your family and friends don’t feel that way. If they are warning you about the person you’re with, you need to take a step back.
These people love you, not him, and want only the best for you. Those that are closest to us can see what we refuse to see. My dad was apprehensive about the men I dated, which is to be expected.
However, there was one, in particular, he didn’t like. He was never overly negative, but you could tell my dad wouldn’t even stop for this dude if he saw him on the side of the road broken down.
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Fast forward a year, and it became obvious why my dad didn’t like him. He was a jerk.
When you have all the fuzzy fuzzies going on in your stomach about a man, your family is on high alert…
…So pay attention!
You’re Embarrassed by Him
I’m not talking about just being embarrassed by your boyfriend’s lack of fashion sense; that can be changed.
I’m referring to feeling ashamed to introduce your boyfriend to your family because you know they’ll ask tough questions like, “Where do you work?” or “How many kids do you have?”
Those are the questions you don’t want him to answer. I once told an ex-boyfriend not to mention his past in a correctional facility. He said he wouldn’t lie about it because it was a part of who he was, and he wasn’t ashamed.
It was a good answer, but I still felt uneasy and avoided introducing him to my family for too long. I realized that if I felt ashamed of his past, I wasn’t fully accepting him for who he was.
And I knew my family would judge him, which made me realize he wasn’t husband material. I didn’t want to spend our marriage making excuses for him.
There Are Too Many Red Flags
Have you been praying for a husband, but you keep finding liars, cheaters, and deadbeats?
If so, you’ve received all the signs you need.
Whenever a man shows you his true colors, such as being overly jealous, putting you down, or being a total jerk, you know right then that man is not for you.
As women, we sometimes look at a man’s potential of what he can be instead of looking at what he is right now. We think we can change a man, but unless he wants to change, he just won’t.
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And no matter how great of a father he is, there is NO WAY IN HELL he can be there for all of his children. Someone is getting screwed.
It’s evident that he’s not the marrying kind and even having a baby by Ciara doesn’t make him into one either.
I’m just saying.
He’s a Bad Boy
Bad boys do bad things to your heart, I mean they can really beat it up good.
This doesn’t matter because a lot of women will find this exciting and won’t be able to get enough.
I don’t understand what the fascination is with dating men who are a little rough around the edges. I’ll take a faithful man over a rolling stone any day.
When you date a man who doesn’t want a commitment or pops in and out of your life only when he wants to be bothered with you; you’re going to have a long lonely life filled with heartache.
Stop trying to change a man who is broken, he won’t change unless he wants to.
Related: Why You Don’t Date Bad Boys
He’s a Liar
My good friend used to tell her students “if you lie, you’ll steal, if you steal, you’ll kill”. This used to scare the hell out of me, so I can imagine how the kids felt.
Though this is a little extreme, it’s something to think about. Do you really want to be with someone who lies to you all the time? If he lies about little things, how can you ever trust him to tell the truth when it really matters?
Trust me, you can’t.
No one deserves to be with someone they can’t expect complete honesty with. You do not want to build a future with someone who doesn’t trust you enough, to be honest with you.
It’s like coming into the middle of a story without reading the beginning. You’ll always feel like you’re missing something.
He Doesn’t Communicate Effectively
I dated a man who always wanted to crack jokes.
When things were good, they were good.
Whenever I wanted to get serious or talk about the future, he would shut down and hover in a corner. He would change the subject abruptly or ask me why I wanted to start a fight.
I was confused because I felt at the time I would have gotten more out of a 3-year-old. I didn’t nag and I didn’t pressure him to open up (futile attempts on my part anyway). It was very unsettling not knowing where I stood with him.
Needless to say, I moved on. I love to communicate. I really love to communicate with the people I feel the closest to.
If the person refuses to talk about issues that matter to me, I don’t want them in my life. Some of us grew up in families where no one talked about what was bothering them. Others never talked, but argued and fought their way through issues.
This is life. However, if you’re always walking around on eggshells around him or made to feel shut out when he’s going through issues – then leave him alone. He’s a grown man and grown people have grown conversations.
If he can’t communicate his feelings or thoughts in an appropriate manner, you’re going to need to hit the road. Things will not get better when you marry, they will only get worse.
He’s Unfaithful
My son’s father cheated on me and when I found out about it, I was devastated. I was hurt. I was ashamed. I felt stupid.
Afterward, I could never trust him again. And in fact, I stopped loving him. I stayed longer in the relationship because of our son, but it wasn’t the place I wanted to be.
After we broke up, I dated men who knew my zero-tolerance policy for cheating. I told each and every one of them that if I found out they cheated on me, the relationship was over.
Most men accepted it. Those who wanted to be with me remained faithful. Those who didn’t know they needed to end things.
I believe I’m enough for one person. I believe that I can make a man who loves me as much as I love them happy. I deserve fidelity.
And so should you.
If a man cheats on you as your boyfriend, he will cheat on you as your husband.
He Irritates You
Everyone has their own little quirks.
Sometimes they are little things, such as putting the toilet paper roll in a different direction. Or they could be much bigger, like being a slob and not cleaning up after themselves.
And if that’s the case, guess who’s going to be his maid when you get married?
Once people get married they become more comfortable. All of the things he did that irked you, in the beginning, are going to get worse.
If you find yourself being bothered by him or rolling your eyes every time he speaks, then you must determine if you want to spend the rest of your life dealing with him.
You’re Settling For Him
Are you over the age of 35 and staying because you think this is your last chance?
Do you feel as if you’ll never get married if you leave him, even if you know in your heart he’s not the one for you?
Are you settling for his infidelity, because you’re too tired to start the dating process again?
If so, you’re crazy. Like insane-in-the-membrane crazy.
I would rather be a lonely 75-year-old maid than spend my life with someone who is “okay”.
Related:
- 8 Things Couples Should Talk About Before Marriage
- 5 Ways to Know He’s Interested in You
- 7 Ways to Cope When He Disappears from Your Life
- 10 Red Flags to Look Out for When Dating Someone New: Warning Signs You Shouldn’t Ignore
I want to wake up every morning next to the man of my dreams. I want my heart to go pitter-patter every time I hear his voice.
I want to say my vows to someone who I would be proud to father my children. Not some person who I can barely stand and ain’t worth two buckets of beans.
If you find yourself saying, “Well at least he has a job”, “I want to be married before I’m 40”, or “we might as well get married”, then these are signs he’s not husband material.
Spending your life with someone who doesn’t take space up in your heart is no life to live. Trust me.
You are valuable. You are worthy. And you are wifey material.
They forgot to write if he’s emotionally not supportive. Don’t ignore that. Men always want you to support them but in some cases its not reciprocated. There are a myriad of reasons, that honestly I just don’t buy. The bottom line is its selfish. And someone with that type of approach on issues in relationships, needs to be alone.
I agree. Great blog post!
ho ho … yep I completely missed or dismissed all the signs. Turns out he is a psychopath and my kids and I are in therapy twice a week. After 20 years, I am finally free and healing.
The first gut feeling I ignored was that I was settling for him. I had made a list of things I wanted in a husband and partner for life. He met one and I latched on.