Have you ever asked yourself the question, should you date an older man?
When women ask me if they should, I always say “Why not”? I mean if you like him and he likes you, then why shouldn’t you go for it?
It wasn’t until I was put in a situation that I realized that there is more to just hooking up with some old guy and falling in love.
Dating a (really) older man can actually bring up a myriad of issues that you may or may not want to deal with.
That’s why I thought I would share my thoughts on the issue and give insight on how to proceed if you are thinking about dating an older man.
I am going to consider an older man to be anyone who is at least 10 years older than the woman he is dating. I am currently in a relationship with a man who is 16 years older than me.
I met him one day and he made a joke in which I laughed. I wasn’t looking to date anyone at the time and I definitely wasn’t looking to date an older man.
He is not my type physically and he just happened to look his age that day. I wasn’t in the dark about his age, I “knew” his age by looking at him. But, something about him piqued my interest and I ended up giving him my phone number.
We hit it off and we’ve been dating ever since. Will it last? I don’t know, but I am going to help you figure out when and if you should date an older man.
I have always dated men a few years older than me. Even when I was in high school, most of my boyfriends were seniors or college students. I wasn’t fast (in my opinion), but I was pretty mature for my age mentally and physically.
So dating an older man has not been a problem. Dating a man who is closer to my dad’s age than mine could’ve been.
As someone who has always dated older, here are a few things to consider when dating an older man.
Why You Should Date an Older Man
I really think you should date anyone who makes you happy. We’re often asking for someone who we can share our life with, but totally ignore our blessings simply because they’re not in the package we’re looking for.
I’m always looking for a man who is 6’4″ and sexy as hell. I have yet to find this man, but that hasn’t stopped me from dating good men.
If you are thinking about dating a much older man, here are a few things to consider when dating them.
Remember, Age is Just a Number
I believe there’s a bigger difference of 10 years when you’re 20 than when you’re 30. I don’t think a 23-year-old should date a 53-year-old, simply because they haven’t lived their life yet.
The 53-year-old has lived his life and has a lot more experience than the 23-year-old. However, there’s no guarantee that the 53-year-old is more mature because of his age.
I’ve dated men who were younger than me and very mature as well as older men who were not. There’s no guarantee that the man you’re dating is more accomplished than his younger counterparts.
As much as we would like to think that an older man would have his financial house in order, there are quite a few that do not.
Get Accustomed to a lot of Stares.
I admit I look a little younger than I am. Maybe not by much, but the people in my family tend to age slower than their peers.
Chuck it up to good genes, but that’s just the reality. I still have older women and men refer to me as a girl or young lady.
Also, I’ve covered all signs of aging in my hair, so paired up with a young face, I throw some people off. The man I’m dating is not only graying but balding.
It’s pretty noticeable that there’s an age gap. Now I doubt people think he’s my father, but I’m almost certain they’re thinking he’s my sugar daddy.
If you’re worried about what other people are going to say about who you date…I’m telling you now to stop. You’re a grown woman. If you like someone and want to start a relationship with someone, just do it.
If you’re going to date someone who is visibly older than you, understand people are going to stare. That’s human nature. As long as they don’t say anything crazy and you’re comfortable with the age gap, keep it moving.
Do what I do and pull your date a little closer to make it obvious this man ain’t your daddy.
Determine if Your Lifestyles Are Compatible
There’s no need to date, someone, if you’re not compatible. No matter their age.
That’s the truth. Don’t date an older man for all the wrong reasons. If you’re still in the party phase of your life, this older man most likely isn’t.
While you may still go out every Saturday and Sunday partying with the girls, your man may be content sitting at home watching a movie.
You’ll feel as if he’s trying to stifle you and you won’t be happy.
If you are a couch potato and he enjoys being active outdoors, your relationship won’t last long either. You both lead different lives and if you take the age difference away, you still won’t be compatible.
You will do your best looking for a man who enjoys most of what you do and someone you can picture being in your life.
However, if you’re someone who loves to travel and he does as well, you’ll be a better fit for each other’s life.
Access Your Comfort Level with the Age Gap
Look, no one cares about who you date. As long as you’re happy, why worry about what other people think about your relationship?
I don’t worry about anyone I’m not sleeping with or who doesn’t pay my bills.
If you find yourself mentioning your age differences a lot, then you’re not really comfortable being with the person. If that’s the case, you’re going to have to figure out what your reservations are about the relationship and do something about it.
Are you worried about what people will think? Are you afraid you’re making a big mistake? Do you feel bad knowing you’re only with him for his money?
If so, do some self-reflection and make the determination if you’re going to stay in the relationship.
There’s no need to string someone along. You’re two consenting adults and as long as you’re happy, do you.
Be Honest With Yourself About Why You’re Dating This Person
I am going, to be honest with you, I started dating this man because I thought he would be more established and had a lot of experience I was lacking in my life. He had the status I was looking for, but couldn’t find in other men.
That’s fine, but I realized that he wasn’t making a lot of money and his credit was pretty wrecked. All the same qualities the men I’m used to dating had.
Then I realized that these were things I could probably handle. He had a pension and resume that was miles longer than mine.
He also had ties to the community that would be helpful in the future. Also, his credit wasn’t as bad as mine, or at the least, he wasn’t as in debt as I was. So if he could accept me, I could accept him.
Now if you’re with someone who repulses you and doesn’t excite you in any way, then you should probably move on to the next one. Having a man who is a work in progress is one thing, but seeing him only to get your bills paid is another.
Keep Your End Goal In Mind
Just like any other relationship you have to figure out if this man fits in your future. Are you looking for someone to date or are you looking for someone to marry?
Are you looking for someone to take care of you or someone who likes to do their own thing?
If you want kids down the road, there’s a possibility he doesn’t, especially if he’s about to be a grandfather.
Would you be happy not to have children because he thinks he’s too old to take care of them?
A Few Questions to Ask Yourself
Are you attracted to him?
Physical attraction is very important. No one is happy in a relationship with someone they are not hot for.
Yes, you could have been ready to drop your drawers for him when you met him, however, many times the attraction just wasn’t there.
If not, that’s okay. Attraction and love take time to develop.
However, if months after dating you’re still not attracted to him or worse, repulsed by him – you’re going to have to leave this relationship where you found it.
No one wants to be with someone who doesn’t think they’re sexy. It’s just not fair.
Does he take care of himself?
If he’s 60 years old, then it’s possible he’s going to have age-related characteristics such as gray hair. That’s normal.
No middle age person looks like they did in their twenties. Hell, most of my former classmates had a head full of gray at our 20th-year anniversary.
Does he go to the doctor? Does he exercise? Does he eat well?
If not, you may have to consider if you want this extra responsibility. Our health declines as we age and if we’re not taking care of ourselves, that decline will occur at a more rapid pace.
Do you want to spend most of your relationship going with him to frequent doctor visits?
His health can actually prevent you from doing a lot of physical things you may be interested in, such as dancing or jogging through the park.
Also, you may need to consider his sexual health. Just because they have Cialis and Viagara on the market, doesn’t mean he’s healthy enough to take them.
Would you be satisfied not being well…satisfied?
Is his financial house in order?
Being an older gentleman doesn’t guarantee that he spent his younger years climbing the corporate ladder.
In fact, he may have spent many of his good years on women and booze. Are you ready to be someone who is still working a menial job and has little to no savings in the bank?
There are many people who are nearing retirement age who don’t have enough to support them during these years. There are even more who don’t have anything saved for retirement, so make sure you’re aware of where he falls.
If you’re truly in the relationship for the person, it doesn’t matter. Just be honest with yourself about what you can deal with.
Does his family like you and does yours like him?
Am I saying that your family has to like him and vice versa?
No. You’re not dating them, however, it would be nice if everyone gets along. I am very close with my family so their opinion on the man I’m dating is pretty important.
Now am I saying I would break up with someone they didn’t approve of? No, I’m a grown-ass woman.
However, I know that I would have to either forgo or arrive solo at many family events, which is not something I would be okay with.
Do you share the same values?
This question is important no matter anyone’s age. If you are religious and he’s an atheist, your relationship may not work on some level.
If he values commitment and faithfulness, then it’s possible you’re going to do well together. It’s important to have a man who is full of integrity instead of rolling in dough.
You may be able to shop during the day, but are you going to be happy with him at night?
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