Narcissists can be incredibly charming and charismatic, but they can also be toxic and damaging. If you’re worried about falling victim to one, it’s important to know the signs and how to avoid a narcissist in a relationship.
We’ll explore what narcissism is, the signs of a narcissist, why it’s important to avoid them, and how to do it.
What is Narcissism?
Narcissism is a personality disorder characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a lack of empathy, and a constant need for admiration and attention.
Narcissists may appear charming and confident, but they can also be manipulative, controlling, and abusive.
Signs of a Narcissist
- They have a grandiose sense of self-importance
- They lack empathy and are unable to understand or care about the feelings of others
- They constantly seek admiration and attention
- They believe they are entitled to special treatment
- They exploit others for their own gain
- They are manipulative and controlling
- They have a history of unstable or dysfunctional relationships
Why It’s Important to Avoid a Narcissist
A relationship with a narcissist can be incredibly damaging to your emotional well-being. Narcissists are often manipulative and controlling, and they may exploit you for their own gain.
They may also try to isolate you from friends and family, leaving you feeling alone and vulnerable.
Avoiding a narcissist can help you protect yourself from narcissistic abuse and maintain healthy relationships with supportive people.
How to Avoid a Narcissist in a Relationship
Avoiding a narcissist can be challenging because they often present themselves as charming and confident, making it easy to mistake them for a healthy individual. However, their true nature is often revealed sooner or later.
Furthermore, it can be difficult to identify a narcissist if you don’t know the warning signs. Even someone with a background in psychology, like myself, may not recognize the signs at first.
In fact, I can recall a conversation with a friend about a man I was talking to, where the friend asked if he was a narcissist. I initially dismissed the idea, but upon further research, discovered that the man exhibited all the classic signs of narcissism, and even appeared to be a narcissistic psychopath.
Yikes!
1. Set Boundaries
It’s important to set clear boundaries with a narcissist, such as saying no to their demands or requests that make you uncomfortable. Be firm in your boundaries and don’t allow them to manipulate you into doing things you don’t want to do.
One holiday I wanted to drive to see my family who lived about a thousand miles away. He told me that it was dangerous and that I shouldn’t go. He also told me that if I went he wouldn’t talk to me for a month.
I ended up not going.
Not only did I not go visit my family, I spent the holiday alone because he promised we were going to spend it together. Which of course, we didn’t.
2. Watch for Red Flags
Look out for signs of narcissistic behavior, such as the constant need for attention and admiration, lack of empathy, and controlling behavior. Pay attention to how they treat others as well as how they treat you, and trust your instincts if something feels off.
The same man kept comparing himself to my ex and kept accusing me of wanting other men. I was baffled because he was a very handsome man who made good money. There was no way he could lack confidence, right?
Wrong.
I also began to reflect on the stories he told of his past relationships and how he put the sole blame on the women. I am 100% sure he was manipulative and emotionally abusive in those relationships as well.
3. Trust Your Gut
If you have a gut feeling that something isn’t right, listen to it. Don’t dismiss your instincts or allow a narcissist to gaslight you into doubting yourself.
At one point I began to not trust my instincts and intuition. I was used to healthy relationships and at one point I thought something was wrong with me.
He would make plans and cancel last minute (or not cancel at all). He would make promises and wouldn’t keep up with any of them. He would also tell me elaborate stories of the romantic things he used to do for all his exes.
Unsurprisingly, he never showed that side to me.
My gut told me something was wrong, but instead of cutting off contact, I kept giving him the benefit of the doubt.
4. Surround Yourself with Supportive People
Build a support network of people who care about you and can provide emotional support. This can include friends, family members, or a therapist who can help you navigate difficult situations.
After blaming myself for a failed “relationship” that never got off the ground, I leaned heavily on my family and friends for support.
Not only did they help me to feel better about myself, but they also made me aware of the red flags I missed. I let my heart lead me down the wrong path despite the signs on the wall that clearly indicated he was a narcissist.
5. Seek Professional Help if Necessary
If you’re struggling with how to avoid a narcissist in a relationship or have already been in a relationship with one, seek professional help.
My “relationship” with this man damaged my self-esteem and self-confidence. I became depressed and I didn’t feel good about myself or my ability to have a healthy romantic relationship.
I didn’t want these feelings to bleed over into a future relationship, so I reached out to a therapist and a coach. Together they helped me to work through some issues to help me to recover and heal.
A therapist can help you process your emotions, develop healthy boundaries, and recover from the trauma of narcissistic abuse.
Conclusion
Avoiding a narcissist can be challenging, but it’s important to protect yourself from the damaging effects of their behavior.
By setting boundaries, watching for red flags, trusting your gut, surrounding yourself with supportive people, and seeking professional help if necessary, you can protect yourself and maintain healthy relationships in your life.
Remember that you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness, and don’t settle for anything less.
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